Their match was arranged. They did not
meet or even see each other before their wedding. Even on the day of the
wedding, they did not see each other as my mother had a long ghoonghat (a veil that all brides were supposed to
adorn). They first met two days after
the wedding when they reached my father’s house.
My parents come from a time when marriages were fixed considering
the household more than the boy and girl themselves. “Rishta pakka ho gaya,
ghar kafi achcha hai, achche log hain, ladka bhi achcha hai” is a familiar phrase especially
for people from the older generation. That was the priority list of fixing
matches in those days. Both my grandfathers were men of repute in their
communities. My paternal grandfather was a learned man, an engineer and
professor of engineering by profession and a scholar of history, philosophy,
literature by choice. A self-made man
coming from a humble background. My
maternal grandfather on the other hand was a hard-working man, self-made, took
care of a large family. Both the grandfathers had lost their fathers at an
early age and both of these were raised, and guided by the elder siblings or
uncles. Both knew the value of giving, of kindness, of extending help and of
education. Therefore when suggested by a
common aunt both readily agreed to the marriage of their children.
My mother and father got married on a cold winter night of 21st
January 1972. The Bangladesh liberation war had just ended in December 1971. Both
houses have tales of how they prepared for the wedding hiding under tables with
a candle lit faintly as the blackout sirens would go off. My mother’s sister, my aunt got married on
the same day. It was common those days, two weddings in one setup. The wedding happened in Gwalior, my mother’s
town and she came to Kanpur, my father’s city. In Gwalior, her house was much
smaller than the house she went to in Kanpur.
She recalls how she got lost on her 1st morning in the house
because she didn’t realize who led her where on the evening she arrived. As she sat on the stairs unable to find her
way, my aunt and her sister-in-law came to her rescue.
She was only 20 years old when she got married and my father was
24. They meandered into the institution of marriage and their journey
culminates into 50 years of togetherness, today. In these 5 decades, they went
through a million challenges, coming from very diverse backgrounds adjusting to
each other’s tastes and personalities were the most challenging of these. In the
initial years, as is usually the case or was in those days, more adjustment
happened from my mother’s side. My
grandparents were more aristocratic in their living than what my mom was used
to and adjusting to those rules was the foremost on her plate. In this story of adjustment and readjustment,
she found, in her sisters-in-law and my two aunts her perfect friends. More than
my father, in the initial years it was my Buas who often came to her
rescue and acted as her guide. She developed with them a bond that she
cherishes till today. The three of them are a team and best friends. They also
are, our local news network in the family. They keep a tab on the well-being of
all of us.
However, the story of adjustments was not just limited to the
household norms or the family rituals. My parents in their personalities were
very diverse. My mother was a social magnet, my father was an introvert to the
core. My mother loved to sing and dance and my father’s love for music was
limited to Kishore Kumar songs. My mother loved to cook, my father would eat
only a few things and the same menu day in and day out. My father was an organized man and my mother
had her things all here and there. My mother then was docile and my father was
known for his temper. However, they did unite over the love for old Bollywood
movies. But then they did change and
how…
We three have inherited a lot of things from our parents but each
one in a very different way. I have inherited from my mother her social skills.
My sisters, Shachi and Shruti have inherited their introvert nature from my
father. Love for food and spices and
cooking has been inherited by all of us from
our mother and so has a love for music and dance. Like a friend says
that “kalakari tum behno ko virasat mein mili hai” (You sisters have inherited
art). Organization of papers, clothes, finances is what we have inherited
from our father. While our mother’s influence has been in the sphere of art,
food, gardening my father instilled in us the value of helping the needy, the
virtue of kindness and the two of them always taught us how we need to be there
for people known or unknown. My parents would be the first people to be there
whenever there was any kind of a situation with family, friends and extended
social circle. It is these virtues that stood us in good faith as we left our
home and pursued our careers and paved our way in this world.
My mother is 70 years old and my father 74 and as they complete 50
years of companionship we are only thankful for whatever we got from them.
Unconditional love, good values, education and most of all a good way of living
life.
These two years have been full of anxiety, with the advent of the coronavirus, with respect to old people. We had intended to throw a big party to
celebrate this milestone anniversary, just like how my mother would like,
surrounded by loved ones. However with what life has been these two years, all
such celebrations have been postponed to a future date and instead, we intend
to celebrate just being together, being well
and being alive.
Cheers, dear papa and mummy to 50 and many many more… :-)
© Shubhra
#16 January 20,
2022
#MyThursdayThing is
published every other Thursday, on my blog
https://shubhrathoughts.blogspot.com/ and shared on my social media handles.
